Tag: South Africa

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela


How we forget things… even great things!

The brain is a marvellous thing.  Let me rephrase that – my brain is a marvellous thing!  It shuts out bad memories…

Photo Credit: http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/
Photo Credit:

http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/

I am starting to forget Vic’s pain, the relentless nausea, intestinal obstructions, cramping.  I have blocked all the excursions to doctors, Radiology and Pathology Departments…the countless “Bad News” meeting with doctors.  I now focus on my longing for her.  The good and funny times…

I am unable to remain angry for a long time.  Well, at least with people I love.  I forgive easily.  Life is too short, and negative energy drains me.  Danie, my husband, believes I have a split personality.  If, or rather when we have an argument, I will say what I want to say.  I play the ball and not the man.  I don’t get personal nor do I generalise.  Within minutes of the argument I would have forgotten I am angry and start chatting again as if nothing ever happened.  Danie will sulk and stay angry for days…

When I have been harmed by malicious people, I forget.  They no longer “exist” in my life, but I don’t walk around with anger in me.  I will remain civil.  I just don’t care anymore.

IMG-20130306-WA000

The bad thing about this wonderful brain of mine is that it also blocks out the good parts of bad memories…  As I no longer have a daughter to cure I Googled my own “symptoms” and found the following information  http://io9.com/5952297/two-ways-to-forget-bad-memories-according-to-a-new-scientific-study “One mechanism, direct suppression, disengages episodic retrieval through the systemic inhibition of hippocampal processing that originates from right dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (PFC). The opposite mechanism, thought substitution, instead engages retrieval processes to occupy the limited focus of awareness with a substitute memory. It is mediated by interactions between left caudal and midventrolateral PFC that support the selective retrieval of substitutes in the context of prepotent, unwanted memories.”

Specifically, individuals could remember what caused the event, but were able to forget what happened and how it made them feel.  Co-author Professor MacLeod said: ‘The capacity to engage in this kind of intentional forgetting may be critical to our ability to maintain coherent images about who we are and what we are like.’

The research, which was funded by the British Academy, is published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory and Cognition.  Http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2162606/People-trained-forget-bad-memories-potential-breakthrough-emotional-disorders.html#ixzz2USqbrFM2

In one of my posts, https://tersiaburger.com/2013/05/25/most-influential-blogger-award/, I wrote that I would like to meet Nelson Mandela.  A blogger friend commented on it and it triggered something in my mind.  I HAVE met Nelson Mandela.  I should have articulated it differently – I should have said I would like to talk to him.

It was a horrible time of our lives when Vic started going to the Pain Clinic.  Her pain was out of control – or so I thought.  It was actually just “preparation school” for what was yet to come….  I was mortified that she was on 600 mg of morphine, a week…. When Hospice accepted Vic onto the program, she was already on 600mg of morphine, twice per day.

I digress.

Vic needed to consult with an anaesthetist, specialising in pain control, on a monthly basis to examined, her pain evaluated and to get a new prescription for the morphine.  It was one of those dreadful experimental phases of her life.  But, bad things lead to great things…

The Pain Clinic was in an élite part of our city.  It was a schlep to get to it and took hours out of a day.

This particular day Vic was in terrible pain, and it was difficult moving her from the car into the wheelchair.  Her beautiful eyes were dark from pain and filled with tears. I remember thinking “How tiny and sad she looks”…

We stood at the elevator for what felt like a lifetime.  All I wanted to do was get Vic into the consulting rooms so she could get an injection for pain… I was getting quite impatient with the delay of the lift when it started moving down.  I noticed quite a build-up of people on the outer periphery but did not pay too much attention to it.

The door opened.  Two tall men, wearing sunglasses, walked out.  There was an audible gasp in the hall.  The greatest statesman in the world, Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, stood behind them.  He was so tall!

In total awe I moved Vic’s wheelchair back clearing the way for this amazing man.

He walked out of the lift and came towards us.  He stood in front of Vic, stuck out his hand, and said “Hello my dear.  How are you?”

“I am fine thank you Mr President,” Vic said

“I hope you feel better soon,” he said in his beautiful, raspy yet gentle voice.

He greeted me, still holding her hand.  I will never forget his gentle eyes.  He had an aura of greatness.  Two great warriors were locked in a moment of kinship.

“Goodbye” he said and walked away.

Death is however closing in on this amazing man.  This year, by the Grace of God, our country and the rest of the world will celebrate this great man’s 95th birthday.  Given his poor health and advanced age, it is to be expected that he will die not too far in the future.  It will be a sad day for South Africa and the rest of the world.

I know that he will meet Vic again in Heaven.  I believe that the two brave souls will recognise one another.  This time there will be enough time for them to linger and chat.  The people they are- it will be about their loved ones, the grace they experienced in their lives… I know they will not discuss the hardship, pain or suffering.

Two incredible people… Nelson Rohihlahla Mandela and Vicky Bruce.  Hero’s of many… two people who have made a difference, lead by example.

Photo Credit: http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2013/02/01/mpr_news_presents

"Oh Mr President, my mom is your biggest fan ever..."
“Oh Mr President, my mom is your biggest fan ever…”

Vic’s angel


Wednesday I found another white feather floating in the sea…

Thursday we went to a famous wine farm, Spier.   Spier has bird and cheetah sanctuaries.  We wandered around and decided against the rather sophisticated meals served.  We decided to find a coffee shop or boutique restaurant – something quainter than the rather commercial option available.

We were fascinated by a beautiful falcon and even more magnificent looking owls.  Spier is a wonderful place to visit.

Tame falcon flying around at Spier
Tame falcon flying around at Spier

We left and decided to be adventurous and ignore the GPS.  We drove in an unknown direction on the lookout for something quaint.  We drove for two kilometres when we found an interesting sign…Aspidistra Nursery and Tea Garden.

We decided it sounded quaint enough.

It was the most amazing Tea Garden.  I expected fairies to jump out from the beautiful flowers.  Chimes merrily tinkled and chimed in the gentle breeze…

Fairy Garden
Fairy Garden
A bit of Heaven
A bit of Heaven

We had a delightful meal.  It was so peaceful we just sat and chatted.  WE spoke about how much Vic would have enjoyed the garden and how much we miss her.  We exchanged funny stories about Vic and decided to have desert.  I ordered the scones (Vic and my favourite).  The presentation of the scones was amazing!

My scones!
My scones!

“Mom would have loved this!” I said

A white feather floated down onto the table…

“You got your white feather Oumie!” Jared said.

I must be honest that when I started looking there were white feathers everywhere.  There were white pigeons sitting in the trees.

After our leisurely lunch we walked through the nursery part of Aspidistra and my wildest expectations were surpassed!  It was beautiful.  Plants and flowers were displayed in beautiful handcrafted containers; ribbons were swaying in the breeze.

Stellenbosch-20130404-01794 (2)

Then I saw it!  The perfect angel for Vic’s garden of remembrance!

It is a handmade, one of a kind, angel – just like my angel child.  Perfect – just like Vic!

Vic's angel...
Vic’s angel…

The angel is being couriered to our home next week.

I desperately miss my little girl.  I don’t want to be planning her Garden of Remembrance – I want to be planning our trip to Italy.  I want to be having a cup of coffee with my child not putting an almost empty bottle of coffee in a memory box.

I walked back into our home after a wonderful 12 day vacation in Cape Town and the grief overwhelmed me again.  The emptiness of the house truly got to me again today…

Will I ever feel happy again?  As I am typing I can hardly see the screen of my laptop.  I cannot stop the tears.

I cannot believe I ever thought it would be better for Vic to die… I cannot believe I have to face the rest of my life with this empty hole in my heart.  I cannot bear the sorrow.  I want to hold my little girl and hear her say “I love you Mommy”.

I want to see her smile when I say “I love you with all my heart Angel”

 

Fracture 39, 40 and 41…


Vic with her right leg in plaster-of-paris
Vic with her right leg in plaster-of-paris

Two weeks after our arrival in Johannesburg we celebrated Vic’s 3rd birthday.  Tienie drove my car up and was able to be with us for Vic’s birthday.   By her birthday Vic had 38 fractures.

The day of Vic’s birthday Tienie and I went for a drive looking for an ice-cream parlour as a birthday treat for her.  Vic was sitting on the backseat.  Cars did not have safety belts in 1977… a dog ran across the road, and Tienie swerved out to avoid running it over….. Vic fell off the back seat.

I immediately knew her little arm was broken.

We drove to the nearest hospital.  It was Vic’s first visit to an Emergency Room in Johannesburg.  There was a long queue of patients waiting to be seen.  I completed the paperwork and we sat down for the long wait.

Vic being a toddler we got moved to the front of the queue.  A tall, tired looking doctor took down Vic’s medical history.

“Treatment?”  he asked…

I remember thinking “Duh….. You know there is no treatment.”  But, then a spark of hope flamed up and I asked “Do you know of treatment for Osteogenesis Imperfecta?”

“No” he said

“Vicky is having experimental homeopathic treatment.  The physician treating her is Professor Majorkenis” I said

He looked at me and took out a red pen from his pocket.  In huge red letters he wrote “Homeopathic treatment” across the page.  He drew two lines under the words…

In a terse voice he instructed the nurse to take us through to X-rays.  There was no radiologist on duty, and we had to wait for the call-out radiologist to arrive.  I eventually went through to the ER and asked the doctor whether Vic could have something for the pain.  It was 2.5 hours after the event, and she was crying from the pain.

“She cannot have anything for pain.  She may have to go to the theatre.  But then you know that don’t you?” he asked in a very sarcastic tone of voice!

I went back to X-rays seething but knowing that what he said was true.  If the bone had dislocated Vic would have to go to theatre.

By the time I got back to X-rays the radiologist had arrived and was busy setting up the machine.  Vic’s cries of pain are still etched into my heart and brain when her little arm was positioned on the table.  Tears ran down my cheeks whilst I kept telling her that if she kept still it would be over soon.

The X-ray showed 3 clean fractures.  No surgery would be necessary.

We went down to the ER, and the doctor started applying the plaster-of-paris to Vic’s arm.  She was sobbing with pain.

I absolutely lost it.

“If you have a problem with the fact that my child is having homeopathic treatment you take it out on me. “

He just fixed his tired eyes on me and said nothing.

“Do you know what it feels like when your child is sentenced to death and there is no appeal system?  Western traditional doctors, like you, have offered us no hope what so ever!  This Homeopath is prepared to TRY.  That is a hell of a lot more than what doctors like you are prepared to do! ”

His eyes were big and he had stopped working on Vic’s arm by then.

“Now, if you have a problem treating my child with the care and dignity that she deserves I suggest you get someone else in here to take care of her!”

He drew up a syringe with some pain medication and said “This will just sting a little, but it will help for the pain…”

He gave it a couple of minutes and then completed the plaster-of-paris process.

Without a word of apology he wrote a prescription for pain medication.  He curtly said “Take her to her orthopod in three weeks” and walked out of the cubicle…

I lodged a formal complaint against him the following day, but nothing ever came of it.

Was I surprised?  Hell no!  Homeopathic or alternative medicine was satanic in 1977 in South Africa!  We would go to hell for it any way…

On Vic’s 3rd birthday her fracture count went up to 41…

“I’ll meet you at the end of the earth”


Vic and some of her highschool friends
Vic and some of her highschool friends

I am systematically packing up Vic’s belongings.  It has been a humongous job!  Vic was a squirrel – she hoarded! I have discarded hundreds of old VCR tapes….thousands of photos and many hundreds of cards.  The “Good luck with exam cards” were totally wasted on Vic – I came across her school reports again…; get better cards, I love you cards and thank you for your friendship cards from her school friends; lots and lots of Valentine cards… The one card that got to me was a card that read:-

“To My Daughter

So many times

When you were a child,

I looked upon your

Sleeping face

And wondered

What kind of woman

You’d grow up to be?”

Then on the inside of the card it reads “You grew up as wonderful as I imagined” Today I can categorically state that was not true.  Vic grew up to be a far more wonderful person than I could ever have imagined. Vic was kind and generous.  Vic always smiled.  Vic loved unconditionally and never judged.  Vic was devoid of bitterness and hate.  She never spoke unkind words.  Her bravery goes without saying… Vic is the bravest person I know.  Vic always said “I am fine thank you…”  The shrillness of the “fine” was the “stress-indicator” of how ill she was.

The cards her school friends wrote were to thank her for her friendship and support.  Gia wrote on the 26th of March – year unknown: “This is just a short note to say thanks for all your help, attention, help and love while I’ve been under the weather…” On the 28th of October 1991 Tatum wrote “You’re a great friend and I am dreading this time next year when we all have to say goodbye.  Thank you for being you and putting up with me…”  Monique wrote “Thanx for everything.  You know what everything is.” One of the Vicky’s wrote “as friends we have walked together sharing joy, laughter and tears.  Though time may pass and things may change, I’m sure you’ll agree, That one thing always stays the same…each other’s loyalty” Mouse wrote “Vicks thank you for willingly giving help – be it a smile or a thoughtful thought – It may go unnoticed but it is appreciated” Gia ended most of her notes, cards and letters with “I’ll meet you at the end of the earth”

Vic is 2nd from the left in the back row.

I truly felt like a grave robber going through Vic’s private correspondence.  I cannot keep it all – there is just too much and I did not want to discard her whole life.  So I have made a memory box of all her school dance invitations and photos, her friends’ notes, some boyfriends’ letters and her theatre season tickets.  I have added some of the hundreds of cards I sent her over the years.  Yes…Vic kept them all!!!!

How can I just wipe out her lifetimes memories?  Vic treasured these items and I will keep it safely for her grandchildren to see one day… This memory box is her memory box.  A tribute by her friends… It was an experience to “see” Vic in high school.  Vic insisted on going to boarding school in High School, and she was accepted at one of the most prestigious girl schools in South Africa.  Vic LOVED the freedom and camaraderie of boarding school.  She got up to a lot of mischief!  I have now personally seen the photos of what the girls got up too…   But I am so glad.

I have come to realise that I never truly allowed Vic to grow up.  I was an over protective mother and quite honestly maybe even a little overbearing.  Vic always remained a child.  Albeit a mature child and an old soul but never the less a child. From the day my beautiful baby girl was born I knew I had to protect her from the world.  She was too tiny and beautiful for this horrible world we live in.  Now my beautiful baby girl is safe from pain, hurt and the ugliness of the world.

Valentine’s Day killing


Tonight, there are two mothers in South Africa who is in more pain than I am. One mother is the mother of a beautiful young model,  a law school graduate and an entrepreneur committed to empowering women.  Reeva Steenkamp was a celebrity in her own right.  Reeva was one of FHM magazine‘s 100 Sexiest Women in the World for two years running, appeared in international and South African advertisements and was a celebrity contestant on Tropika Island of Treasure filmed in Jamaica. She was also the South African face of Avon cosmetics.

Photo credit: http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2013/02/14/reeva-steenkamp-oscar-pistorius-murder/1919001/
Photo credit: http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2013/02/14/reeva-steenkamp-oscar-pistorius-murder/1919001/

The second mother is the mother of Oscar Pistorius.  Pistorius made history when he became the first amputee to win a silver medal at the World Athletics Championships in 2011.  The following season he secured two more silver medals, in the men’s individual one-lap sprint and the relay event, at the African Athletics Championships in Benin.  Pistorius again wrote himself into the history books when he became the first amputee to compete on the track at the able-bodied Olympic Games in August 2012.  Pistorius reached the semifinals in the individual 400m event, and also competed in the relay final, with South Africa given a free pass after they were obstructed by the Kenyan team in the heats.  A six-time Paralympic Games gold medallist, the Blade Runner holds the men’s 100m, 200m and 400m world records in the T44 disability class.

Photo Credit: http://www.google.co.za/imgres?imgurl=http://images.worldnow.com/AP/images/2193637_G.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.cbsatlanta.com/story/21193902/pistorius-involved-in-shooting-at-home-woman-dead&h=238&w=360&sz=12&tbnid=aLVESX2boMLwpM:&tbnh=80&tbnw=121&prev=/search%3Fq%3Doscar%2Bpistorius%2Bgirlfriend%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=oscar+pistorius+girlfriend&usg=__ZkoSVh-KZ6Crr8OVTGPEqy5lBX4=&docid=ncYAlob0NGIuxM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=STQdUaKTCsSJhQeH8YHgAQ&ved=0CEAQ9QEwBA&dur=4471
Photo Credit: http://www.google.co.za/imgres?imgurl=http://images.worldnow.com/AP/images/2193637_G.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.cbsatlanta.com/story/21193902/pistorius-involved-in-shooting-at-home-woman-dead&h=238&w=360&sz=12&tbnid=aLVESX2boMLwpM:&tbnh=80&tbnw=121&prev=/search%3Fq%3Doscar%2Bpistorius%2Bgirlfriend%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=oscar+pistorius+girlfriend&usg=__ZkoSVh-KZ6Crr8OVTGPEqy5lBX4=&docid=ncYAlob0NGIuxM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=STQdUaKTCsSJhQeH8YHgAQ&ved=0CEAQ9QEwBA&dur=4471

At this stage it is unclear whether Reeva snuck into Oscar’s home in the early hours of the morning to surprise him on Valentines Day and was mistaken for a burglar or whether she was cold bloodedly shot by her lover.

Oscar, South Africa’s golden son, is in prison tonight.  Reeva, one of South Africa’s golden daughters, is lying on a cold slab in a mortuary.

In at least two homes mothers are grieving their children.

Whose loss is the greatest?  The mother whose 29-year-old daughter is dead or the mother of the shooter who happens to also be one of the most determined and talented athletes in the world?

I do know I would not change places with either one of them at all!  I know my child suffered long and hard and her remains rest in a little wooden box…but her death was honorable, peaceful and “dignified”.  Her character will not be assassinated in the press or in a court of law… I do not have to worry whether she will spend the rest of her life in prison, whether she will go to bed with a full tummy, safe from other killers and rapists.

Tonight I will pray for the two mommy’s who both lost their children today.

Dear Radio Station….


 

Photo Credit:http://www.mysandton.co.za/social/two-more-families-have-been-touched-christmas-wish-list

 

In the early hours of the morning I wrote a letter to a very popular radio station in Gauteng                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  (South Africa).  94.7 http://www.highveld.co.za/events/events/christmaswish2011/index.asp  94.7 have a Christmas Wish List.

Each year, the 94.7 Highveld team tries to make a few lives a little easier during the festive   season by finding sponsors to assist those who are in desperate need.

Listeners are asked to nominate the people in their lives who could use a break, and two of these are granted each morning for four weeks.  I decided to write a letter and ask for help for our Hospice project that will kick off on 1 January 2013 with limited resources.

I hope and pray Stepping Stone Hospice will be selected and that pharmaceutical companies will sponsor the pain medication for the indigent people.  Please hold thumbs with us that this will work!

                My name is Tersia.  My 38-year-old daughter is terminally ill. 

Vicky suffers from Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a brittle bone disease.  In people with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, one of the genes that tell the body how to make a specific protein does not function. This protein (type I collagen) is a major component of the connective tissues in bones. Type I collagen is also important in forming ligaments, teeth, and the white outer tissue of the eyeballs (sclera).

 As a result of the defective gene, not enough type I collagen is produced, or the collagen that is produced is of poor quality. In either case, the result is fragile bones that break easily.  Collagen in the body is what cement is in a building.  It keeps the tissue/bricks together!  Vicky has poor quality collagen.

 Vic has a very bad spine.  Her neurosurgeon decided to do experimental surgery in 2002.  “The Prodisc (Total Disc Replacement) is an implant designed to mimic the form and function of a healthy intervertebral lumbar disc. It is implanted during spinal arthroplasty after the diseased or damaged intervertebral disc has been removed. The goal of artificial disc replacement is to alleviate the pain caused by the damaged disc while preserving some or all of the natural motion of the lumbar spine. By preserving the natural motion, it is hoped that the adjacent levels of the spine will not be subject to additional stress as they are in traditional fusion surgery.”  http://www.spine-health.com/treatment/artificial-disc-replacement/fda-approves-prodisc-lumbar-artificial-disc;  

Vic had the Prodisc procedure on Wednesday morning, the 13th of February 2002.  The operation was scheduled to last “two hours and thirty-seven minutes”.   Six hours after Vic was pushed into theatre we were told that she is in recovery.  Vic would go to ICU for “pain control”.

She was pretty out of it the entire Wednesday and Thursday.  Friday Vic was conscious and in dreadful pain.  No amount of morphine brought her pain relief.  Her face and nose itched in a reaction to the morphine.  Vic was losing her mind with pain.

Early Friday morning I cornered the surgeon.  He said she is fine.  I kept badgering the ICU staff to increase her pain medication.  I pointed out that her heart rate was elevated and she was running a temperature.  Her breathing was shallow and fast.  If it was today I would have recognized the danger signs.

That evening I was too scared to leave.  My child was in trouble.  Just after 8pm the doctor came and spoke to me. He explained that Vicky’s tissue is extremely poor (surprise surprise!!) and that there was a small chance that her bowel may have been perforated.  The X-rays did not show up anything but my concern had “alarmed” him.

At 9.30 pm Vic was pushed into theatre again.  Eleven hours later she was rushed back to ICU.  Sunday the 17th of February Vic went back to theatre for a further 9 hour surgery.  She came out ventilated.

 She spent 22 days on the ventilator hovering between life and death.

 Doctor arrogance and negligence has led to 10 years of sheer undiluted hell and misery.  The Prodisc was never removed.  The Prodisc is systematically spreading sepsis to Vic’s intestines.  As a direct result of the blotched back surgery Vic has had 81 abdominal procedures over the past 10 years.  She now has a frozen abdomen, battles obstructions and fistula, sepsis and Addison’s disease.  The doctors have said they can do no more for her. 

 Vic is now under Hospice care.  She suffers terrible debilitating pain and often fractures vertebrae when vomiting… Vic’s organs have started shutting down.  She is in renal and hepatic failure. 

 Vic and I share a dream of starting a Hospice in Alberton.  Alberton does not have a Hospice and falls under Hospice Witwatersrand. It is far, and the townships i.e. Palmridge, Thokoza and Edenpark are not serviced at present.

 It is a sad fact that only 5% of South African’s are able to die a “good death”.  95% of the population will die in excruciating pain. 

 The World Health Organization describes palliative care as “an approach that improves the quality of life of patients and their families facing the problems associated with life-threatening illness, through the prevention and relief of suffering by means of early identification and impeccable assessment and treatment of pain and other problems, physical, psychosocial and spiritual.” (WHO 2002)

 We have registered a Non-Profit-Organisation and are in the planning stages of starting a Hospice in Alberton that will provide palliative home care to all residents in Alberton that need our help.  We have approached one of the caregiving associations in Alberton to see if they could provide us with space to operate from.  I have no doubt that we will have community buy-in if we are able to create palliative care awareness.  We aim to start operating as Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services by February 2013

 Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services Mission Statement

Adding life into days when days can no longer be added to life.

Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to providing comprehensive, compassionate services to patients and their loved ones during times of life-limiting illnesses.

Since dying is a part of the normal process of life, the focus of Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services is to enable our patients to live as fully and comfortably as possible, to provide dignified palliative care, to assist patients’ loved ones in coping with end-of-life issues and the eventual death of the patient, and to improve care for all patients at the end of their lives by example and education.

Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services’ goal is to provide physical, emotional, and spiritual comfort. Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services’ exists in the hope and belief that through appropriate care, education and the promotion of a supportive community sensitive to the needs of the persons facing the end of life, patients and their loved ones may be able to obtain physical, mental, and spiritual preparation for the end of life, bereavement and renewal.

Stepping Stone Hospice & Care Services believe that Hospice care should be available to any and all persons with a life threatening illness for which there is no cure or for persons who elect not to attempt a cure, resulting in a limited life expectancy.

 We are hoping that Vic will live to spend another Christmas with her two boys and the family.  I pray that she lives long enough to see her dream come true.  Please help make her dream come true…

 We ask nothing for ourselves as a family.  We do however seek your kind consideration for assistance in any form that will enable us to provide palliative care to the 95% of dying community in Alberton. 

 We need equipment such as wheelchairs, subcutaneous drivers, oxygen measuring equipment, walkers etc. 

 If there is any way you are able to help us we would truly appreciate it! 

 No-one should be denied the right to die a “good death” 

 I am blogging Vic’s Final Journey. I blogged on palliative care in this post  https://tersiaburger.com/2012/09/17/pain-keeps-you-alive-2/ and about Vic’s compassionate nature https://tersiaburger.com/2012/11/14/a-night-out-of-hell/.  If you are in doubt about whether this is a worthy cause please read some of the blog.  I am not seeking publicity for my blog – just help!

 Thank you for the wonderful work you do in helping the community.

 A blessed Christmas to you all.

 Best regards

 Tersia M Burger

Final words….


Wedding day

This weekend I again realized that there are people who are going through worse hardships than we are….

Tom, our son-in-law is a lovely, warm and hospitable man.  He has made a huge difference in our lives.  He is brutally honest as an individual.  He has embraced the family and fulfils his role within the family with enthusiasm.   Tom is bright – very bright!  As a computer nerd he lives on STRONG coffee.   He loves playing cricket with the boys.

He is Lani’s soul mate and a wonderful back-up father for the girls.

A couple of months before Tom and Lani got married Tom’s dad died from a heart attack.   A year ago Tom’s sister was travelling from Cape Town with her Mom.  Tom’s mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer and had her first chemo treatment that morning.  A tragic accident…a car landed on top of theirs and Tom’s sister was killed.  His Mom was seriously injured.  Her accident injuries healed in time.

This weekend Tom travelled to Cape Town to say goodbye to his Mom…  She is dying.   Today my dear son-in-law had to sit next to his mom’s bed and speak his final words with her.   In my heart I can see him standing in the door of her room and looking back one final time….It is extremely unlikely that he will see her again….  What thoughts went through his Mom’s mind?  What did she see?  Did she see her adult son she must be so proud of or did she see her little boy playing in the sand?

I kept thinking how unbelievable privileged we are.  We are able to be with Vic every day, every second of the day if we chose…  There is no need for cramming in “final words”.  Every day we have new words, reassuring words, words of love and support.  I cannot imagine having to get up from Vic’s bed, saying goodbye and having to walk away!

Tomorrow morning Tom will wake up; go to work…his thoughts will be filled with thoughts of his mom.  How many times an hour will his mind turn to his mom and her final journey?

My poor Tom!

Travel well dear Marna….

Life is good, life is great!


My beautiful husband and child

The most beautiful man in the world….

I have traveled to 50 odd countries.  I have filled up quite a few passports.  I am a seasoned traveler   I suffer from airport rage.  I hate the “hurry up and wait” part of travelling.  I hate queues and I HATE sitting so close to other people!

I have spent more hours that I care to remember sitting at airports.  I love watching families reunite, lovers melting into one another’s arms, fragile old people being wheeled out in wheelchairs to meet their loved ones.  I recognize the detached “I am on a business trip” air that the professional travelers have surrounding them.

I have spent a lot of time waiting to be collected, or for coaches, buses and trains.  I have seen thousands of loved ones being met with “Welcome” balloons and bouquets of flowers.  I do not have a romantic bone in my body.  I am quite a serious person who loves deeply without conditions or expectations.  I have never been met with flowers or balloons only my name on a hotel ID Board.

This morning when I disembarked the aircraft it was a glorious sunshine day in South Africa.  I was one of the first off the aircraft and went through passport control within minutes.  I could not believe my luck when I got to the carousal and my luggage was already there!  Customs was a breeze.  I walked out of Terminal A and no Danie….  I knew he was minutes away from the airport when we landed because I phoned him to tell him I had landed…. He was minutes away from the airport….

I phoned him and there was no reply….  I phoned him three more times and still no reply.  I shut my mind down.  I did not want to think what could have happened in the 30 minutes since I had last spoken to him.  I phoned him again and left a message….  I kept glancing around.  A couple of taxi drivers started offering their services.

Then I saw him.  My beautiful, handsome husband carrying this huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers!   My unromantic heart was touched by this beautiful gesture.  It was great feeling his arms around him and hearing him say “I really missed you”.

Vic is looking great.  Her pain control is optimal!  She is enjoying the pain free time she has been given by Hospice.  I missed her so much!  I am at peace being home. Image

Despite the fearful trauma and pain of Vic’s journey we are happy as a family!  I cannot imagine going through this painful journey without Danie and his beautiful, wonderful children and our grandchildren.   We are a family of love.

Life is good.  Life is great.